The Ghost of Mental Illness

            The Ghost of Mental Illness by Ashton Hummler

Do you believe in ghosts…? Spirits that roam the earth because they have unfinished business with the land of the living… What if I told you they were all around us, nearly everywhere you go, an apparition may be there lurking. Do you ever walk outside in a crowded area and feel a cold breeze blow almost through you? Or crawling on your skin, like that of a spider you could’ve sworn was on your leg… but when you look it was just your imagination. You can never be too vigilant, the last thing you’d want is to get caught off guard by a threat you can’t see… since your eyes are reading this, now would be a great time to strike!

BOO! 

Ghosts are everywhere. I use the metaphor of ghost to represent someone with depression, as well as depression itself. Depression can be difficult to detect, fill people with dread, and some people don’t even believe that it’s a real thing. Depression comes in all shapes and sizes, but with all this diversity, a lot of people with depression will suffer unbeknownst to anyone. Allow me to maybe assist you to see what you may not have been able to see before, because all these ghosts really want… is to be seen.

Depression can be seen as an invisible illness. Other mental illnesses can be difficult to diagnose and treat, but depression can be an especially difficult one to combat. Depression can’t be linked to just “one problem” in the brain, there can be several factors that can lead to a person developing depression. Genetics, physical disease, abuse, and trauma can all be potential causes for the illness to develop, and none of them necessarily have to be exclusive. There isn’t a “cure” for depression either. Sure, antidepressants are out there and they can be helpful for certain individuals. However, other times they prove ineffective, or possibly even worsen the mental state of the patient, as well as having other unpredictable side effects like weight gain, headaches, and insomnia. This can leave many people with depression hopeless, and cause them to think they may never find the help they need, perhaps stuck as ghosts forever. 

Another way depression is the ghost of mental illnesses is that it largely goes unreported and undiagnosed. Nearly two thirds of depression cases go by undiagnosed, leaving many suffering without anyone ever knowing. Half as many men also report being depressed than women (1 out of every 16 men versus 1 out of every 8 women). This can be because men view reporting depression as a sign of emotional weakness, and that there’s a stigma surrounding them to be “strong”, which can play a big part in what leads men to suffer in silence. Depression can also cause apathy and a general lack of interest in everything. It may get to the point that depression doesn’t get reported because they don’t think anyone would care, or maybe they just don’t care to tell anyone themselves. They also may feel trapped as well. Would saying anything even make them feel any better?

At least that's how it is for me. Depression makes me feel like a ghost. I feel completely isolated to the point where I barely feel like I exist. My presence on campus is minimal. I’m sure most of the people in my classes don’t even know I exist. I walk too and from class almost bumping into people constantly because people don’t even realize I’m there until it's too late. I suppose some of that is my own fault. I’m very introverted and don’t really talk much to anyone. That’s another complex way depression messes with you, it can make you think it’s your own fault you are the way you are. To be fair, it very well could be. I think that my invisibility is my own fault, because… well… nevermind.

It’s not like anyone really cares, it won’t really matter what I say anyway. There’s this looming spirit of futility in nearly everything I do. A big case of the “why- do-anythings”. Everyone’s depression is different, and there isn’t a “depressed philosophy” that all depressed people conform to. However, the general feeling of uselessness can be seen as a general consensus for most depressed individuals. For me, my sense of futility is intertwined with my sense of practicality. This causes me to think some of the things I do are useless because they wouldn’t be beneficial to myself or others. One of these things is expressing myself. I see it useless to tell others about what I’m going through, because I know there’s nothing they can do to help. I also think they just don’t care, and they’d rather hear me say something else, or nothing at all. This leads for my issues to go unseen, invisible if you will, adding another layer to the apparition of myself. I’m sure I’m not the only one who shares this sentiment. 

Ghosts can be all around us, and we’d have no idea. Anyone could be suffering from depression and we all could be none the wiser. Someone could be a very funny and jolly individual who goes home and thinks about ending it all. Quite the concept that’s been tried and tested countless times. Ghosts will always be hard to detect, some may never be seen at all. I know for me, it doesn’t really matter. Anyone who reads this who was previously ignorant of my presence will inevitably forget about it with time. Which paradoxically, can be quite the liberating idea that gives me some strength to show off this bit of myself. I don’t really care about myself much, but if my writing has been able to help one person feel seen, I’ll see it as a net positive. 

So… Do you believe in ghosts now?





Work Cited: 

Lamm, Steven, and Patrick Ying. “Why so Many Men with Depression Go Untreated & What to Do about It.” NYU Langone News, https://nyulangone.org/news/why-so-many-men-depression-go-untreated-what-do-about-it.

“What Causes Depression?” Harvard Health, 10 Jan. 2022, https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression.

Williams, Sharifa Z, et al. “Undiagnosed Depression: A Community Diagnosis.” SSM - Population Health, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 28 July 2017, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5769115/#:~:text=Moreover%2C%20it%20is%20estimated%20that,et%20al.%2C%201999. 

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